I'm in love with a girl. It is hard to explain: I'm not this photographer that aims for popularity; I'm not this writer that strives to move the world; I'm not this musician who needs an audience; I am me. Sometimes I like to tell myself who I am without the use of adjectives. (E.g. I am a musician; and I wouldn't say I'm a GOOD musician, for this is subjective to my own views. I may feel I am good, but others have their own opinions on what is successful art.)

So who the fuck am I? I don't know who I am, but I know what I am... as of now. I am a musician; I am a photographer; I am a writer; I have the best girlfriend in the world who fulfills the emptiness my artistic outlet can not provide. You see... I do not make art for you--Yes you, whoever may be reading this. I read all these thank you notes for the page views and the favourites; don't get me wrong... I love the ego boost; but none of that matters to me. I love viewing all of your wonderful talents you post on this site. I love seeing the creativity, productivity, artistic growth, etc; but for me, the only thing that matters to me is being able to share my feelings I put towards my art with this wonderful girl in my life.

It seems as if my art has come to a hault. I've not played guitar in a while; I'm taking dinky pictures of myself giving you the bird; and I'm writing shitty, useless journal entries on websites. This, what I am writing, is nearly a paradox. For I said I don't wish for your attention, yet I am willfully asking for it souly to understand who I am. Oh laugh laugh, what a rant.

My art is strong when I am lost; but I am found, she found me. I am changed for the better... thus, starts my new artistic era. Come what may.

Peace,
Nathan

Last night I saw the zeal of beauty from you. There were whirlwinds of confused emotions all in their different shapes and colours, motives and inquisition. But for the both of us to be crying about one simple fact, the fact that we loved each other so much, bound us to the tears that would not seem to stop. For we couldn't decide why we were crying at first. You had no clue why I was; I had no clue why you were. In the end, it turned out both of us were wrong about each others' "why"; the fact is known that we are each others' soul carer, feeding off each others' feelings. Our emotions were bound to sadness by the empathy we felt residing among us in that bittersweet moment. I have always been in search for the meaning of love. This situation is more than love; it is beauty.

I love you so much. And sorry if this is hard to understand; I can't quite put it into words, but you have made a world of impact on me; and you're beautiful.

Yeah Yeah.. we're free.

We can go to McDonalds for lunch, buy whatever the hell we please, go back to the job of our choice, work till five and come home to a beautiful family we have raised just in time to watch World News every night right before the family supper. Everyone is watching the upcoming delegates give their two cents on hopefully reforming the country in a way they see fit.

It reminds me of a baggier at the local grocery: "Paper or plastic?" Umm paper... *smiles*. Umm plastic.... *smiles*. Then the one of us comes along... "Actually the paper is too bulky in my car, and the plastic bags always rip. Do you offer any other types of bagging?" *Grimaces and places goods in paper bag anyway*

Sure we can vote, but keep this in mind: It's either paper or plastic; they choose, you pick.

I have learned a few things lately.

When dealing with love, if I try, I will fail. If love is guided by human hands, human hands will be the only thing I will be able to feel. It seems as if real love is guided by a perfect spirit that somehow placed the two of us in its celestial path; the guidance is not of my understanding, but for the first time in my life I do understand what desire, passion, and love truly is. It is surreal and it is something that is constantly tying my mind in a knot. Why is this happening? How has this happened?

It is time to quit all my dreaming and wondering about the validity of my feelings and follow up with fate formed by those delicate circumstances--so delicate had one second been changed, "now" would have not existed. After all, some go their whole life and never understand what love truly means. I pity those kind; but I hope they're content at most.

This world is large. I would be damned to say I've found my match in my town. If it was meant to be, it would have happen I believe, yet not under my will. I have learned this after years of regret and heartache. I am glad I have not fallen under the illusion that I have met a perfect person especially when taking into consideration such an irrelevant trait to love as proximity.

The hardest part is over; we found each other...or we were led to each other; either way, I know if we stay on whatever "spiritual" road we are traveling happiness will follow.

I know you've hurt, you know I've hurt. It's hard to believe either one of us deserves this. But we will be rewarded with unimaginable bliss as long as we have faith, hope, love, and trust.

Who knows, maybe someday we will understand; I hope not. It would ruin the mystery of this all.

you

There are many more, but here are a few of my favourites .

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. -Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island

All the kids kept trying to grab for the gold ring, and so was old Phoebe, and I was sort of afraid she'd fall off the goddam horse, but I didn't say anything or do anything. The thing with kids is, if they want to grab for the gold ring, you have to let them do it, and not say anything. If they fall off, they fall off, but it's bad if you say anything to them. -Holden Caulfield, Catcher In the Rye

Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. -Aristotle

Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. -Lao Tze

You must be the change you wish to see in the world. -Gandhi

We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. -Aristotle

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought. -Basho

Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time, to figure out whether you like it or not. -Virgil Garnett Thomson

If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us. -Anonymous

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. -André Gide

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. -Cyril Connolly

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. -William Arthur Ward

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -Pablo Picasso

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. -Oscar Levant

Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. -Kurt Vonnegut

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. -Don Herold

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. -Lily Tomlin

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. -Harry Truman

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. -Richard Lewis

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. -Mark Twain

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money. -David Richerby

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. -Garry Shandling

Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century. -Dame Edna Everage

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. -Groucho Marx

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others. -Groucho Marx